Contemplating mortality

A lot happened yesterday. November 8, 2011 was significant for my family because we lost someone that we loved, my step-grandmother died yesterday afternoon from terminal brain cancer.

I feel a little awkward about posting this to be honest because she was such a private person. Indeed, she had lung cancer a couple of years ago and only a few in our family knew. Furthermore, she was diagnosed with brain cancer in June and told no one. It was only about a month ago when the cancer spread to her spine that our family became completely aware of it all. Anyways, the point is that she was a private person but devoted, loving and tender to our family and to my grandfather of course. It's difficult to see her pass.

Are there a more significant days in your life besides your birth and your death? They seem to be the be all end all, what everything is shaped around and from where everyone fundamentally derives their actions...whether consciously or not.

What seems to be important to us is that people are there to witness our lives. Whether bolstering us with our achievements or creating a net upon which we can rely when we happen to stumble. The key piece of information to me last night was to make sure that my step-grandmother did not die alone, that she had someone there to witness (not just watch, but witness) and take in the full significance, the end of her journey. Someone was -- her caregiver --which is good. But I find myself wishing I was there to at least hold her hand as I did on the Saturday and Sunday before. Of course her passing makes me sad and will change our lives forever, but it was a significant moment for her. It was the end of her life.

Eventually that moment will be mine. Hopefully not anytime soon, but I think it's useful to keep in mind. This all reminds me of a piece of art that I stumbled across a couple of days ago that I just can't get out of my mind. It's called confetti-death and it's by Miami based artist Typoe. Here is more information if you're interested: http://hypebeast.com/2011/04/typoe-confetti-death/

Now I know nothing about art, but I do know that this affected me viscerally. And the image has remained in my head. From our own contemplation of mortality comes color, passion, life. And, inspiration.

So with that in mind, I've decided that my running, my training isn't only for me. It's for my step-grandmother and all of those in my life who have been affected by cancer. As a reminder of the power of the human body despite the natural process of it's weakening. I'm certainly not the first to do this, just look at all the "run for this cause" or "walk for that cause" events around the world everyday, but to me it feels really personal. Especially right now.

This training is more than just for me. Hopefully in some way I can witness my step-grandmothers life through this, I haven't quite figured out how or why it feels right yet. I feel like I'm falling into dangerous territory looking for the point of inspiration. But that will be saved for a later day.

Today is a 4 mile tempo run, but it might have to hold off for tomorrow since me and my cousins are taking my grandfather out to dinner.

Until next time...